It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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