I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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