I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
