oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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