But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
