how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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