god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We need to rekindle our bromance
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
