he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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