dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
porn star boner night. come get it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
