does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
