i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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