Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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