omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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