Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
two words...techno handjob
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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