i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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