Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
