ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
