How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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