i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
