he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
