just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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