Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
