Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
