Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
