Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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