My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
