I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
