a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
