She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
false alarm, still single
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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