Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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