She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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