I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
