ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
