I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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