So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
