I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
