Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
