I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize
