I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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