Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
