dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
