my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
