dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
