just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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