Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
