Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
