mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
