Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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