relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
