4 words: hood of his car
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
