I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
