false alarm. still invincible.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
